examination

after recent events,
after recent revelations,
i have come to a point of self-reflection.
terror, heart ache, disaster, loss surrounding us
yet we live so comfortably in our little homes,
in our warm beds, striving after broken dreams,
desiring what is temporary,
living as though we've 100 more years.
what if terror drove all my actions and thoughts?
what if heart ache was all i felt?
what if disaster was a daily experience?
what if all i ever knew was loss?
given the current circumstances,
time is of the essence and there isn't much of it left.
examine myself.
am i living as a pleasant sacrifice and faithfully walking beside Him,
earnestly desiring what He desires and living with courage,
ready to give up my life in an instantaneous moment?
is His presence being made manifest in my life through
love
joy
peace
patience and kindness and goodness
faithfulness
and self-control?
it's almost like a burning from inside,
i want to so badly.
i want to be able to give up absolutely everything,
not cling onto a single earthly, fleeting thing
and fix my eyes upon what is eternal and what is real and what is true.
i want to meet You on that day and hear You say with a smile on your face,
"well done, my good and faithful servant."