a certain kind of thing

there's something that i really want,
something that i truly desire.
something that burns through my flesh
and is waiting to sink into the deepest pits of my soul.
i want to love,
not the kind of love you see in movies or read about in books.
the kind of love that is without condition,
without expectation, without a requisite or a standard.
a kind of love that is gentle and kind,
a kind of love that is forgiving and humble.
but who am i to ask for such thing?
how could the dirtiest of souls fathom such quality?
how could i possibly think that this filthy heart
could hold something so pure, so unearthly?
but this yearning is so deep, so strong.
the sting of the emptiness creating a slowly widening chasm.
i want to leave behind this earthly body,
these brittle bones and lifeless flesh
and replace it with this kind of love.
but who am i, this unforgiving, soiled, tarnished, contemptible soul
to deserve to have this kind of love.