to the reader: apologies.

something is wrong, but what is unclear. every single day is filled with constant questions asking why. people will ask, is there something wrong? are you okay? the answer remains the same each time. i'm fine. though it's clear that fine is far from the truth, what lies in between is thoroughly hazy, inexplainable, and unclear. trapped and suffocated. who knew becoming apathetic to everything around you could take such a toll. passion is a word that means almost nothing, each day it's like a battle with the self, like a fucking roller coaster that won't stop and seemingly past the point of escape. responses and day to day living is unhoped for, almost futile. though there's something in conflict with it all, the desire to get out, and fast. the want to find a way out,  still there but dwindling with each damned day. never has a desire to cry been more prevalent. all i want to do is cry but the tears won't come. i feel like salt water is going to spew out of my ears, God please help me to cry, all i want to do is cry. manifesting this unto other people is just unfair, nobody should be so unlucky to hear about it. but ask the same question and you'll get the same answer. i'm fine.